he pm-ed me today . finally i saw him online .
after so long , you're finally online && you msn-ed me first to chat .
they said you've changed , but you don't know why , they wouldn't tell you .
i said you've changed , you asked why .
i said you've changed for the worst of your habit .
7 months already , you're still the same , an idiot .
keeping all to yourself , torturing yourself , getting into fights .
what's the whole point ? i tried to ask you , tried to get in again .
but i couldn't anymore . i've always been waiting . been regreting .
i did wanted to patch , did .
you said , i seem happier now , i felt so hurt .
you totally locked yourself up after we broke up , after i broke up with you ,
to patch with him , && i lied to you that is cuz you said that sentence .
everyone thinks im so in love with him , maybe yes , maybe no .
but stop judging form my blog , from my friendster .
no one knows what's between me & him , that's y i said i don't need others to tell me how .
then you said why not be single ? why not just let go ?
i don't want to let go anymore boy , i made a mistake in letting you go already .
i caused you to become like this , to lock in again .
that's why im holdin on so tightly to this relationship , so i wont make a wrong move again .
but everything felt so wrong .
im feeling so happy when you are willing to talk to me bout our past .
once in awhile when i go online , i would be hoping to see you online .
hoping you would pm me , tell me how you're doing all these while && stuffs .
but time & again , you never did , untill today .
how i wished i could share all your burden , as a friend .
how wished , everything could be fine again .
you asked if we could patch , i felt so happy .
i knew there's something wrong , but i couldnt rejecct you straight .
but come to think again , im not prepared to give up what i have now , to go back to you .
& im not willing to hurt him again to go back to you .

if there's a choice , i rather be super good friends with the both of you .



what i have now , i cherish ; trust me dear .



&& i saw this as dear's computer screen saver (:



i lost this photo , but its available as dear's computer screensaver



my life , my love , happiness now .

i can't let go of eugene , but i guess i can let go of esmond .
that's all that the whole world needs to know .