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was reading some pretty babes blog .
&& i realised , some are really devoted .
but seriously , im thinking .
why are we so weird nowadays .
if we hadnt fell in love in the first place , we won't get hurt yea ?
if everyone was able to control their feelings ,
if everyone cared to think a lil bit more ,
that we're stil young . why cant we just b inocent ?
why get madly in love at the age of 13 - 17 ?
then make the party your everything .
but when they left , you're disgusted .
&& there's nothing you could do . to bring them back .
everyone who's in love before .
most of them . cried before . was hurt before . was crushed down .
u came to mind when i was thinking uhs .
its been almost a year since i know you .
its also been almost a year since we got together .
the past was a total shit . but still .
alot of conversations , alot of funny things happening .
if i could chose , maybe i wuold chose not to know you ?
i would chose to know etrah earlier ?
but too bad . i know u both at the same time .
how ironic . etrah was attached i think .
that time . i was sorta attached to u also .
but if we've made a swop ?
maybe you would love that girl alot .
she has total freedom , totally suited .
she's fucking pretty too . im far from her . fucking far .
&& etrah ? nahs . it won't work too .
cuz i've known it too well . but .
if is edmnos ? if it was him form the very beginning ?
serioulsy . i don't know what's keeping our relationship .
what's the thing thats holding time , holding decisions .
courage ? yes . courage keeping us together ?
i guess so . but i hate to think of it again .
i hate to be reminded that you landed me in shit again .
when my mum came after me .
my mum gave birth to me . but . the way she reacted ?
i felt like shit . i wasn't worth a 1 cent through those words . fuck you .
if you hadn't said those stuffs .
i wuldnt have to live in fear && anxiety for 5 days . fuck you .
&& you wanted me to read everything yesterday night .
i've read them to you . anger , love , miss , care , hatred .
&& before that , it was love , miss , care .
now it it just , anger , hatred with a tint of love .
once people called it , baby love .
now what ? hate you baby ? too much difference now .
the way i talk . the way you reply .
so friendly . so nice now . so comfortable somehow .
seriously , i don't feel any stress anymore (:
was i suppose to thank you , or start to worry , try to keep things going ?
i chose to thank you . ;D
indeed , i cant leave you . you cant leave me .
curse uhs ? we'l see , who wins yea ?
but you never knew .
till now . guilt's still so strong .
edmnos . if not for you . i couldn't even lift up my head to look into his eyes .
after what i've done to him .
hwo would you expect me to tell him .
actually , its not about her , its about him .
i wanted to ask you so badly .
does that 1 year promise , 1 year's wait , still counts ?
or have you forgotten . && force it into a lie ?
that day . when i realise i was just that near to you .
that close to seeing you again , you know how happy i was ?
you rushed down . but in the end , somehow , we stil weren't able to meet .
when you told me you were working near my school ,
i was thinking , maybe i could go find you everyday .
but would we be able to catch each other ?
i wont have the courage to go up , say hey im here .
you would be pissed to see me again . i think .
after all , im still at fault .
i've heard you cried . i've seen you cried .
but still , i pushed you away .
i cried infront of you , you helped me wipe them away .
but i pushed you so hard .
you cried too . but i shouted at you . i walked off .
and that picture . its so beautiful . the one i cherished most .
i kept in with the others . i threw it in a corner .
edmnos . i've been waiting for a long time .
if only you had realised . if only things were on our side .
&& darling . everytime you tease me , everytime you ask bout me && him .
&& everytime you said you are waiting , are they real ? or just a flirtacious act ?
&& everytime i ignore you , you ried to get back on that topic .
but i brush it off , are you angry ?
or you were playing too .
everytime you turn to me when you need someone .
everytime you care for me .
call me just to check on me .
i miss the way you cared for me .
&& when he told you im attached .
you thought i was with another guy .
you shot me the question . you have a boyfriend again ?
im thinking . why ask again .
&& you said , you know i've always been waiting .
what do you want to say ? darling .?
etrah ? stop thinking you're very good at girls ?
i admit you are . but so ? its tormenting .
hercerata . both same . so alike . o.o
have you ever wondered .
so many nights . so many morning . i've been waiting & waiting .
each time i see you online . each i see your friendster ?
you know how jealous i get ?
i remembered you looking at me , staring at me .
the way u squat down beside me , asking me to sit on the stool .
you giving me that innocent look .
&& when your chest hurt , when your skin tore , you looked at silently ,
i saw that agony on your face .
i wanted to hug you so badly .
&& you came to me . told me it hurt so badly .
you want me to help you caress it juz for a short moment ?
sayang sayang . ;D
the way you asked me , ****** could you please smoke lesser ?
the way you look into my eyes && spoke to me in that tone .
how could i not be touched ?
how could i not be happy that you cared so much for me ?
hwo could i not fall for you again ?
each time i told myself , i have to remember .
i don't want you , you belong to them . we aint each other's .
each time i say . i don't like you . i hate myself .
when u ask me to look into your eyes to say i don't like you .
so that you'l believe i din't lie to you . i manage to do it .
but etrah , you know how mad i was ?
&& everytime you look at me , everytime you play with my hair .
everytime you call me that so gently , everytime you pinch my face .
i loved you more && more .
you never knew . that night . how i wished i had talked more to you .
when all you wanted to give was a good night kiss ,
i rejected && walked away .
but i wanted you to stay with me that night , till i fall asleep ,
i wanted you to see a longer time so badly .
but i wanted you to rest too ?
&& everytime i go down just to find you .
till that last time , was it cus i went to his hs earlier ? you didn't sound happy ?
&& when i arrived , you din even bother bout me ?
how i wish , you would say , hey . so how's things now .
i wanted you to ask me that so badly .
then came && look at me again . everything . so badly .
that night . i waited && waited . i was disappointed cuz it aint you .
but you appaeared . you did in the end .(:
i cant thank you enough .
&& i cant help but fell down again .
im still revolving around just four of you .
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